If you’ve been reading for a while then you probably know how things have gone up to now. We hit 12 weeks this past Saturday which marks the end of our fourth trimester together. I have a feeling that one day when I’m looking back on all this I’ll be able to say reaching this milestone was bittersweet, but for now, I can honestly say I’m so happy to be out of it. It’s not that I didn’t love it, it’s not that I didn’t learn an insane amount (both about myself and about babies) but for me, it was about survival. For 12 weeks I did what I had to do to get through each and every day. 

Physically my body needed to heal from labour and birth. Mentally I needed to figure out how to take care of another human while also taking care of myself and my new family of 3. Emotionally I needed to find my own insanely sensitive balance so that I could survive. It was the most awesomely wonderful, challenging, frustrating, WILD thing I’ve ever been through. Honestly. 

You just wake up one day and all of a sudden you’re feeding another human being, with your own body. It’s unbelievable. I think maybe it’s the magic of it all that makes it so surreal. I can’t describe what it feels like. It’s both incredible and incredibly hard all at the same time. I am in complete and utter awe with the female body and it’s capabilities. 

Once you master that, it’s about figuring out how to hold them, how to change them (that’s right, I don’t think I had ever actually changed a newborn diaper before I had Aggie) how to bathe them and clothe them. And then you have to figure out what to do with them. 

Your days aren’t just 8 to 10 hour work shifts. They are 24 hour, non stop, all the time cycles. And they need you almost 99% of the time. 

[Do I sound naive? I’m sure I do. But I have a sneaky suspicion that most new mums feel at least some of this too.]

And so, there we were. Spending our days getting to know one another. In the car, at home, in our bed, down by the water, with friends, on the couch, in front of netflix, in the garden – where ever we felt we needed to be. I think the one thing I’m so happy I did was just let go as best I could of any need for a schedule or organized plan. I just let our days unfold. One plan a day, whether it was visiting a friend or going to get a tea at the coffee shop up the street, I didn’t judge what we were able to do in a day. 

It’s so easy to feel like because you’re at home with this tiny person that you should accomplish the world before your partner or family gets home. Laundry and dishes done, bed made, grocery shopping complete and a super clean house to boot! Having a partner that understood that even though all we really ‘did’ that day was go for a walk, there was a lot else going on for both me and Aggie. This is what saved me. I was never left to feel guilty. I allowed myself to recognize that whatever we did that day was enough. That is so important. 

And then came the nights. Jeff would come home, I would give Aggie a warm bath and then he would take her and give her a little massage and put her in her jammies. We would sit and read to her as I fed her and then we’d put her down for her first sleep cycle of the night. This ‘closing ceremony’ if you will, was the best thing that we ever adopted. For me, it symbolized the end of our day together which I think we both needed, but probably more so for me.

I would allow myself this time after feeding and putting her down to just nourish myself in whatever way I needed. In those first few weeks it was a sitz bath with some really yummy smelling herbs to help heal my body. Later it might have been a beer and a chat with Jeff. Whatever it was, it allowed me some time to give myself a pat on the back for getting through the day.

In my mind, the fourth trimester isn’t about how many incredible feats you can check off this big list, it’s about connection. Connection to the baby, connection to your partner/family and connection to your own self. You’ve all just undergone this massive transition, so in my eyes, finding a way to connect and ground yourself after all that is what will make for a lasting bond. 

And then one day you’ll wake up and notice things are different. They are awake for longer. They actually smile at you instead of their muscles doing it for them as they’re falling asleep. You’ll find yourself dancing in front of them to Bill Withers just because it makes them giggle and smile. You’ll find yourself making ridiculous sounds just because you know it soothes them. And you do it all out of love. You do it all because you’ve finally figured out the things that make them tick, the things that you know relax and calm them down. And you then you realize that this is why we’re doing it, this is why we had to survive those first 12 weeks, because I’m pretty sure the best is yet to come. 

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I wanted to share a few of the things that helped make our fourth trimester as awesome as it could be. You will get a lot of advice as a new mum, and probably a lot of baby ‘gear’. We chose to be as gear minimal as possible. Thanks to some amazing friends, we were able to get most of it preloved but there were a few essentials we bought. If anyone has anything they couldn’t live without, please feel free to share it in the comments section or send me an email and I’ll add it to my list! Check out my earlier list of POSTPARTUM GOODNESS here. 

THE FOURTH TRIMESTER ESSENTIALS FROM LOVEFESTJOURNEY

1. Sitz bath herbs and topical balm. I bought mine from The Herbal Dispensary in Toronto but if you’re looking to buy or make your own, here are a list of herbs to include!  [Calendula, Comfry, Yarrow and Camellia – bring 1 cup herbs and 2 cups water to a boil, turn off and let steep for 10 minutes, pour into sitz bath and add cold water if needed. Sit in that goodness for as long as you like!] For a great healing balm to apply afterwards check out their varicose vein balm which has infused oil of Comfrey, Calendula, Green Tea, Witchazel, Cocoa Butter, Olive Oil, and Beeswax.

2. Nipple butter. I used the Earth Mama Angel one and loved it. Trust me, you want this. 

3. Nourishing Teas. If you need help with milk supply then I loved this tea in a pinch or you can always make your own. If you going that route, look for herbal galactagogues (milk encouraging herbs) in their natural form to combine and make your own tea. Herbs could include: Red Raspberry Leaf, Nettle, Fennel, Fenugreek, Chaste Tree, Blessed Thistle, Anise and Milk Thistle. If you aren’t concerned about milk supply then I would suggest just a general nourishing mama tea! I got mine from my acupuncturist and it included Fennel Seed, Raspberry Leaf, Marshmallow Root, Borage, Nettle and Alfalfa Leaf. You can easily find these herbs and combine to create your own. Definitely check with the herbalist at the store to find out what the proper measurements should be of each herb. 

4. Solly Baby Wrap. This literally saved me at the beginning, it was the only thing that would calm Aggie down and get her to sleep during the day. There are a million different types out there – I’ve also tried the Moby Wrap but find the Solly fabric to be much stretchier and more comfy. It takes a little getting used to tying but once you get it, you’ll never forget! I’ve also always wanted to try this wrap from Yoli + Otis but never got around to buying it. If you’re in Canada, Rufus + Murdog carry it! 

5. Badger Baby Balm. I can honestly say that Aggie has never gotten any sort of diaper rash and would like it think it’s because we started using this as soon as she was born. 

6. Elabloom Calming Baby Oil. A close friend of ours started this line of natural skincare and we can’t say enough good things about it. We have all of their baby bath products and love them. This calming baby oil is what we use after Aggie’s bath. 

7. Baby Bjorn Soft Bouncer. We were gifted this and we l o v e it. We were also gifted this electronic swing but Aggie really didn’t take to it at all. I think it’s just so dependent on the baby. Either way, having something to ‘put’ the baby in while you’re cooking dinner or just hanging out is really nice. The natural bounce of it was totally soothing and to be totally honest I just loved how simple the design was. It doesn’t feel like your house is overflowing with baby stuff, it’s really simple and minimal!