December 10, 2016

The way we look at things

EXPLORER

HOW TO BE AN EXPLORER OF THE WORLD

  1. Always be looking. (Notice the ground beneath your feet).
  2. Consider everything alive + animate.
  3. Everything is interesting. Look closer.
  4. Alter your course often.
  5. Observe for long durations (and short ones).
  6. Notice the stories going on around you.
  7. Notice patterns. Make connections.
  8. Document your findings (field notes) in a variety of ways.
  9. Incorporate indeterminacy.
  10. Observe movement.
  11. Create a personal dialogue with your environment. Talk to it.
  12. Trace things back to their origins.
  13. Use all of the senses in your investigations.

[ Keri Smith by way of FoxMeetsBear ]


The thought of being infertile doesn’t sit right with me. I have a hard time saying infertility. What is best? What sounds best? More importantly what feels best? Fertilely challenged? Can’t get pregnant? Trying unsuccessfully?

Labeling how we’re feeling or what’s happening with our bodies when we don’t actually know what’s going on is a tough one for me. For years when I suffered from urinary tract infections I would say just that. I have reoccurring UTI’s. That was my truth for a period of my life. It did in many ways, define me (unfortunately). I tried my best to not let it affect the way I felt or what I put into my body but ultimately I’d find myself knee deep in bottles of water and cranberry pills, one hand between my legs curled up on my side pushing with all hell into my crotch hoping that somehow the stabbing pain would magically subside. Rounds and rounds of antibiotics later, I’d wake up and have a totally epic normal pee experience and feel like I was the luckiest woman that ever walked the earth.

Perspective. It can make or break us (I think).

We all have moments when we go into survival mode. Where we retreat and look to others to help guide us through whatever it is we are going through. In the case of the baby that hasn’t yet come – or as some Western doctors like to put it, infertility, they technically like to see you ‘trying’ for at least a year. If at that point there is no true conception, they will then start to look into why things aren’t happening as they should. To some, being diagnosed as clinically infertile is different from having consecutive miscarriages, from having endometriosis, short luteal phases, PCOS or the myriad of other awesome things that we as women get to potentially experience. To me sometimes they are one in the same. The end result is wanting a baby. The problems that arise in between all suck. None of them feel fair. None of them sit right within us. Most of them make us feel as if something is truly wrong with us.

I want to take a minute to pause here. There is nothing wrong with you. There might be an imbalance in your body. You might have cysts. You may not be pregnant right now. But until we know you can’t or won’t – until you set a definitive day and moment that you’re ready to close the door (which is totally 100% OKAY), put a little teeny slice of my voice somewhere in your head okay? I created this place to help motivate, to help strengthen but most of all to help you to learn to love yourself just a little bit more. And by loving ourselves a bit more, by quieting the voice inside when it’s shouting at us – we allow ourselves a little bit more room to open the door to a few other good things. Room to breathe, room to slow down, room to experiment, to adventure, to love, to shout, to balance ourselves, to nourish ourselves, to have sex, to maybe even make a delicious juicy baby.

I stumbled upon a woman’s blog today where she shares her day to day experiences with infertility. I can’t tell from what I’ve read whether or not her cycle is regular, whether or not she knows if she’s ovulating. I don’t know what she is eating or what her day to day life looks like. I don’t know if she was on birth control and for how long. What I do know is that her and her husband tried to concieve a baby for 9 months at which point her doctor recommended she get a hysterosalpingogram, routine blood tests and once those came back within normal limits, she was given a referral to a specialist – a reproductive endocrinologist.

That’s really fast. And a lot in a short amount of time. For anyone.

They are now 2 years into things and have tried IUI (Intra-uterine insemination) three times and are moving onto IVF (IVF is the process of fertilization by manually combining an egg and sperm in a laboratory dish, and then transferring the embryo to the uterus).

I can’t and I won’t judge this woman for her choices. Because I know the feeling of wanting a baby so badly it hurts. Of having a hard time when a close friend tells you they are freshly pregnant. Of staring at pregnant bellies and wishing it were your own. I also know that each one of us is different. And that when we get hit with the feeling of “I want a baby on my hip right now”,  it’s hard to shake it. But I feel like if there’s time, if she feels like she has time, there are so many other things to explore. I firmly believe, like most awesome things in nature, changes in our bodies happen slowly and in their own way.

When you think of all that has to go right for someone to get pregnant, it truly is magic. So for me, the biggest suggestion I have to give you, is to start to prepare your body before you get hit with that feeling if you can. Come off birth control gently. Change your diet slowly, learn to cook more nourishing meals for yourself, sleep more, say no more to things and people that don’t serve you, fill your body up with all the good stuff so that when the time comes to start trying you’re chalk full of nutrients and slowness and as many tools as you can to give yourself the best chance possible.

[ And just a note- It’s okay for it to be overwhelming to know where to start. It was for me too. But like how I started this post, you too can be an explorer of your own world + body. There are so many awesome practitioners out there who are just as passionate as I am about all of these things. Find someone who can help you along if you need the extra push. Or books. There are so many books! Or just start by writing me an email. Or the most simple of all. Watch your own body. Your breath. Your daily rhythm. You don’t have to know everything, but you can help yourself to know more by asking questions and getting all the information.]

And what about if you’re feeling lumped into that group of people that’s tried and lost a baby? Or tried and tried with just nothing. What if you’ve genuinely tried for a year and no magic baby has appeared?

If you’ve already done the leg work of slowing down, of nourishing, of sleeping, of genuinely treating your body like the magic it is, then reach out for help. So much of what’s happening in our bodies on a day to day basis can tell us what’s going on. Are you going to the bathroom daily? Does it feel complete? Do you get your cycle every month? Is it accompanied by horrible cramps? Nausea? Is it barely there? Is your urine dark yellow? How much caffeine do you drink a day?

I could literally go on and on with questions I’d want to sit down and ask you. And not because I’m a practitioner with the knowledge to define what’s going on. But because I’ve been there. I’ve been asked those questions. And at first they used to make me feel like I had something to prove. Like of course I would say I went to the bathroom everyday even if I hadn’t- do I need to share that with someone I barely know? (YES. The answer is yes. Because your digestion actually has so much to do with everything.)

But (TMI) there was a time when I didn’t go to the bathroom everyday. With work and travel and life sometimes I wouldn’t make it a priority. And I would stay up too late and not give myself the rest and sleep that I needed and deserved to fully fill me up. And I definitely didn’t get my period “regularly”. And it still isn’t regular and that causes me a lot of anxiety. And anxiety is no good for wanting to make babies.

So I guess what I’m saying is that it’s both more complex and so much more simple than we all believe. You need to do what you need to do, and I can’t be the one to mark the date in your calendar for when you’ve had enough. When you’re ready to make a difference and change direction. Or when you’re ready to make the call to try something new that you never thought you’d say yes to. That is 100% up to you, and whatever it is that you decide is right because it’s your own decision.

But if you’re curious about making small, thoughtful changes to your body and your life then you can read a little bit about what I did and what I recommend below.

Change is scary. This year has been full of every kind of change I could possibly imagine, and it felt like it all happened at one time. But change also empowers and it frees. Change lifts and guides and sometimes, it helps to genuinely blow our own minds. It pushes us to do things that are so far out of our comfort zones – but that hopefully bring us to a place of peace and comfort. A place where we feel grounded in the vision in front of us.

SLOWING DOWN + LISTENING TO YOUR INNER VOICE 

COMING OFF BIRTH CONTROL 

EATING FOR FERTILITY 

SUPPLEMENTING FOR FERTILITY

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