January 24, 2018

I’m not yours, I’m mine.


Today I am embracing 21 days and grey space.

I am embracing a body that is aching, and growing and that after a week of my kid and my husband being sick, needs a breather. From travel, from hugging, from caring, from watching the same movie over and over again, from gearing myself up for nights of coughing and crying and needing to be held. From being on and feeling tense and like every part of me is being pulled, inside and out.

Does that make me sound like a terrible mum?

I think it makes me human. Very very humbly human.

I realized that I needed some space after a few really really great sleeps with lots of pillows and lying on my back where I woke up feeling good – maybe even great. Like my body just needed some solid r e s t. Something I hadn’t given it in a few weeks. My body has just been in this incredibly tense state – almost as if it’s constantly waiting for the next thing to happen. So, last night as I was lying in bed reading this book I got from my Dad, I realized that I can choose to be here instead of waiting and constantly being on guard. That I actually am the one who can help to change how I’m feeling.

And the overwhelming feeling I’m getting is the desire to put my phone away, to stretch my body, to eat well, to sleep a lot, to do the work I have to do, to take care of my own body and soul so that I can find some quiet spaces where I can truly start to connect to this baby that’s growing inside me. I won’t lie – this has been a really really challenging pregnancy for me. It started out with just being sick to a point of not recognizing myself, followed by this juicy deep breath of growth and the nausea slowly dissipating and then the aches and pains slowly crept in. Please don’t think that I am not still in awe of the magic my body is creating – I am. With every single part of me. Every time I feel an elbow or a hand or foot, I am part in love, part fearful and part over the moon excited about meeting this baby girl. It’s just that it’s a lot. And I’m sure having your third or fourth baby is maybe even more wild because you have so much more to take care of. But for me it’s this wild balance of domestic duty, technical work, emotional relationships, nourishment, living and experiencing. And for someone who tends to rush through most things, what I need when that balance gets out of whack is slowness. It’s real genuine disconnect to allow myself to turn inward and give myself time to not feel responsible for the weight of others just for a tiny bit.

So if you’ve been following along and reading for a while you know what the 21 day holistic eating and living journey looks like. It’s kind of like a cross between a deep breath, a long sleep, and a big juicy hug. I started for myself yesterday and will be finishing just before Valentine’s Day. If you’re curious to learn more or want to join in leave a comment below or send me an email at lovefestjourney@gmail.com and I’ll get you all the things you need to know to build a strong cocoon around yourself for 21 whole days.

21 days to embrace the grey space, to fill yourself up, to move your body, to cook new things but above all, to say just for a little bit, I’m not yours, I’m mine.

STRESS: a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances.

To me stress looks like shallow breathing. And the inability to take a juicy deep belly filled breath. It looks like a racing mind, a multi tasking body and feet that are most definitely not grounded to the earth. I feel everywhere and yet no where all at the same time.

This is just one of the things we’ll focus on in the next 21 days. When you put your mind and body to it, there is so much incredible healing that can happen within the body. Regulating hormones, ridding the body of toxins and unwanted hormones, healthy skin, sleeping better, more balanced energy levels – all such important things.

I know there are a lot of cleanses and 30 day challenges out there – I never aimed for this to be a cleanse or a challenge. This should feel like an adventure. It should get you off of social media for a bit which will hopefully get rid of some of the not -enough ness we all tend to feel when we spend too much time on it. It should slow your head down and get you into bed earlier than you have been in a long time. It should help you connect more to your partner and help your body feel balanced. It should motivate you to cook simple, nourishing meals. But most importantly, it should help you learn to love yourself just a little bit more because when it comes down to it, each day is worth embracing and we are the only way we get to experience that.


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