For a long time I felt like I was totally weird. The bump, the hand on the belly, the thought of this tiny something moving inside of you. Reading the books, getting curious, having that totally wild new adventure ahead of you that no one can really prepare you for. I want it all. 

And then I let the weirdness go. When I was planning my wedding someone asked me if I had been thinking about ‘the day’ since I was little- my answer was no. And that made me feel like a terrible person. It’s not that I didn’t love every minute of my wedding, or that I don’t 100% adore my husband, it just wasn’t the thing I dreamt about. And THAT’S OKAY. I got through that one and had a pretty freaking magical wedding day. 

The thing I had always dreamt about was being pregnant and being a mum. The idea of housing a tiny thing for nine months, of sharing something so incredibly special with the one person you love is just pure magic to me. The fact that I knew it was going to be hard for me probably made me want it even more I’m sure. But the fact is, through all of these experiences I’ve shared with you, through this journey I’ve been on, I’ve allowed myself the space and the time to get comfortable with as much as I can. I know there is no way to know everything, to be fully prepared. And I definitely know there is no way to know for sure that I won’t be really really freaked out and stressed when it actually happens but I’m giving myself the benefit of the doubt and I’m letting myself get excited and get interested. 

In every situation we’re in we have the ability to choose how we let it affect us, which way to turn. What is the best thing for you? What is the best thing for you and your partner? I’ve been in a ton of situations where a persons response has left a mark on me. I took their energy and I let it seep into what I was thinking about, what I was deciding. I can’t control it every time because sometimes you get caught off guard, but over the next 20 days start to become aware of yourself in different situations. Start to allow yourself the patience you deserve. To know that whatever you want is totally valid and good and okay. 

This one’s mine. And I’m allowing myself to want it and get excited for whatever happens.