The pregnancy test and I are friends. Really really good friends. It took me a while to figure it out though. Hold onto the thumb tab. Point down. Pee for five seconds, wait for three minutes. It all gets to be a bit much. And then there are those dollar store tests. You might know the ones, or you might not have had the pleasure of using these yet. They entail peeing in a cup, and using the worlds tiniest syringe to drip drop tiny amounts of pee onto this little pad. They make you feel like you’re back in your grade eight science lab.
All the while you’re hoping to see how many lines? One? Two? A plus sign? One negative sign? A big fat NO? The digital ones are just mean. Someone decided to use CAP LOCKS for the screen. No misinterpretation there. We get it. WE ARE NOT PREGNANT.
Despite the amount of tests I’ve taken, I don’t find it reason to give up hope. Yes maybe in the early stages, where I absolutely knew there was 100% no chance I could be pregnant. Somehow in those days I would be miserable if I only got one line. I wasn’t really all that connected with my body and what was going on.
Now, I think because of how much I’ve done and how well I know my body, I know it can perform miracles. I know it can move and change and surprise me each and every day. The fact that I went from a solid PCOS diagnosis to wildly uneven hormone levels to a balanced blood test this past April shows me that. The hard work, the dedication, the p o s i t i v i t y even when you can’t find any reason to positive.
These are the reasons why the pregnancy test and I are friends.
1 Comment
Hands down one of my favorite posts you’ve ever done!I have never EVER felt as fulleflid as I do when mothering. Not just the pregnancy part, but being THE ONE that can heal all, cure all, love at all times. My heart overflows for my kids. Its the most intense rush I’ve ever felt. But I don’t have a desire to have babies and babies, just to get a rush (aka octomom). The rush comes from knowing I’m a good mom to the ones that I have. And I won’t ever have a baby if I’m not confident I can mother him/her well. So I personally disagree with your self assessment. Its not that you got pregnant that makes you a mother. Its that you mother (a verb). You CHOOSE to mother. Many women have children and choose not to mother them. Thats why I believe adoption is one of the highest forms of parenting. Just my 2 cents. And you ARE a fantastic mother!