It’s been a bit of a wild roller coaster over here lately. We had our 20 week ultrasound which went well minus the fact that little person didn’t feel like cooperating very much. ( Except for that high five, how awesome was that!??! )  Too much movement and facing inward made it hard for the technician to get a good picture of baby’s head measurements. Finish that off with being told we have to come back in two weeks so they could get a better picture of baby, only to get a phone call 24 hours later saying that we needed to come in for a fetal echo Monday morning. 

I haven’t been that scared and overwhelmed in a very long time. Needless to say, it was a very long weekend for Jeff and I with very little sleep. No one mentioned that there might be anything wrong with our tiny person’s heart. Only that it was beating like a champion, strong and fast and full of love. 

Monday morning crept around and we were there, waiting to hear what could be wrong. After the fetal echo and after speaking to the fetal cardiologist, he told us there is a slight chance baby’s heart has a teeny hole in it. A slight chance. Taking pictures through my belly, through the uterus, through the baby’s chest – that’s a lot of layers. Not easy to get a great reading. There’s no way to say for sure, but he was absolutely positive and reassuring and drew Jeff and I a little picture on a kleenex box to show us how it all works and talked about everything we were going to do to monitor it over the next 5 months. 

For those two hours during the exam I was breathing. I was praying. I was meditating and I was hoping upon everything in the whole world that he would say everything’s just fine. The tools that I’ve implemented for myself have come in handy more than just once. The things that you do for yourself, the tools you create to help you in moments of stress, those are the things I can see helping me as I become a mother. As I breathe, the baby feels me become calm. By calming myself down, I calm the baby down. 

Even if there is a tiny hole in this little human’s heart, we are just hoping that as it continues to grow, it grows into it’s deliciously perfect heart. Perfect for it heart. 

Right now I am: 

Waiting: for a chance to dive into a few mama and pregnancy based books over the upcoming break
Liking: anything that hugs my belly
Wondering: when Jeff will be able to feel the baby kick 
Loving: belly rubs with shea butter and almond oil 
Hoping: for a really slow vacation
Marveling: and how much I’ve grown 
Needing: a really big cup of hot chocolate with cinnamon on top 
Smelling: vanilla musk 
Wearing: a big smile on my face and in my heart 
Following: so many new dreamy mama’s on Instagram ( check out who I’m following here ) 
Noticing: the way my husband looks at my belly ( in the most dreamy wonderful way possible ) 
Knowing: that a family sleepover is only 24 hours away!!!
Thinking: about all the delicious things my sister and I are going to cook tomorrow  
Feeling: so so so so SO blessed that the baby is healthy