There aren’t enough words to fill up this space with how I feel right now. I feel so…full.
Fertility and pregnancy have a way of showing you every single wild and crazy side of yourself. The jealousy, the anger, the frustration, the sadness, the anticipation, the excitement, the confusion. It’s all there, wrapped up in our amazing bodies.
If you’ve been trying for years, if you’ve left the natural world to try a more medical route, if you’re taking hormones, if you’re not sleeping, if you’re having sex but not really enjoying sex, if you want a baby so badly you could scream…these are the moments that you’ll see sides of yourself you never knew existed.
If you’re newly pregnant and feel nauseous or just plain thick, wondering where the belly is, wondering what a kick will feel like. If you’re struggling with your sex drive, if your back hurts you, if you’re about to burst and you’re scared about birth and labour…these are the moments that you’ll experience your real true self.
If you’ve just peed on a stick and found out you’re pregnant, if you’ve gotten a phone call from your fertility clinic telling you that you’re eggs are looking great, if you’ve just bought a teeny tiny pair of leggings that make your heart melt, if you’re partner puts their hand on your belly to feel your baby kicking…these are the moments you’ll never want to forget.
I wonder how easy it is for each of us to address all these things with other people. How easy it is to cope with these feelings, how to know which ones to keep which ones to get rid of. It isn’t easy. It can be totally lonely and challenging – but recognizing that they’re even there is one of the biggest triumphs of all.
Over Christmas and New Years I tried to treat each day like it was brand new. To deal with the emotions and thoughts that had come up over the previous 4 months and really try to make a conscious effort to start of the New Year with a huge deep breath. Since coming back to work it’s been challenging to continue that fluid motion of feeling, recognizing, addressing and releasing anything and everything that I don’t need. It takes a planned moment to really make sure that I’m letting things go so that I can bond with the baby and spend time with my husband when my head isn’t racing a million miles a minute.
I think it’s so important to both recognize the importance of doing this and the need to do this but also to let go of the pressure when you just can’t do it. Some days are just plain hard. Some days we need to feel the sadness, the frustration and the anger to know that it’s real. That our desire ( whatever that is depending on where you are on your own fertility/pregnancy journey) to get pregnant, to have a healthy pregnancy, to have a safe and calm birth is something that is really important to us.
When you recognize how you’re feeling it can be easier to let it go, or sometimes, just allowing yourself to experience whatever it is that you need to feel will be the release you need.
Sending love to all the ladies that are experiencing any of the above things. I’m right there with you.
xxx LFJ
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