I have always been a traveler, physically and mentally. I met my husband living in Germany 7 years ago and have found myself back here again for work ( and a little bit of play because I figure I don’t have that much time left to travel before our tiny person arrives). 

In this case, traveling for work meant visiting a trade show. This meant being ‘on’ physically and mentally for the entire day for three days straight as I was visiting booths and speaking to suppliers and designers. Needless to say they were much longer days than I’m used to at home.

I prepared myself as best I could with the physical things I knew I’d want – snacks, favourite teas, books, an iPad filled with movies and shows, a big comfy cashmere blanket and a last minute gift from my mum, compression socks for the plane ( pretty cute if you ask me!). 

The jet lag arriving wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be thanks to having two seats to myself to curl up on during my flight over there. Being close to a toilet helped for those frequent bathroom breaks, as did being close to the back of the plane. The ability to get up and stretch was so crucial, especially when the baby was nudging me from sitting down for too long.  

The biggest challenge for me was once I arrived at the trade show. Standing, walking, talking and focusing on what I needed to take in to benefit my work when I get home. It was a fight sometimes to look alive and enthusiastic in an environment that was filled with overwhelming amounts of energy and dudes smoking cigarettes. Seriously. Smoking cigarettes all day long, inside, right beside you and offering them to you. It was a bit of a mental shock after living with no smoking indoors laws in the US and Canada for the past 10 or so years. Let alone the more obvious thing of being clearly pregnant. 

I found a few quiet corners and cafes where I could get a cup of hot water to sit and read for a breather when I needed it. A moment to reflect on whether or not this is really what I want to be doing in my life. I find it often to be a battle between what you are good at, what you are trained to do, what will make you money, what fills your heart with passion and where you really see yourself going. Rarely are they the same thing ( although if they are for you please send me an email and share some wisdom!) 

I don’t have an answer for you right now, and more importantly I think we have to realize that the answer often changes and being open to that is what’s important. Part of me knows that there is a conscious decision that has to be made at one point or another. One road to choose, I’m just not quite there yet. 

What I did realize through that experience though, was that there were a few boundaries I didn’t know existed in me, a few things I know I won’t do in the future, and a few small things that were saving graces everyday. A good book, a chair, a smile from a stranger, a hot shower and a room key that provided me with the solitude I so desperately craved at the end of the day. 

Having this baby growing within me helped me to stay strong but also to go slow. To know that rushing and pushing myself wasn’t really going to help either of us. I think the same thing can be said and realized for fertility and infertility. Pushing yourself past your boundaries and comfort zone isn’t always the thing to do. It isn’t always going to help you conceive. Sometimes pushing yourself too far causes your body to react in the opposite way. It sends a message to your higher self that things aren’t balanced and calm inside.

To really get to a place of comfort and slowness, to conceive, to release tensions, I believe, you really have to respect your own limitations when they arise. You have to make conscious decisions that will better your head, your heart and your body. 

There is no harm in saying no, in letting go of a practitioner, of sitting down, of stopping charting your BBT for a bit, or moving on from the medicine for one round. If it’s right for you, letting go of those things ultimately serves a higher purpose. In this case to make a baby or help a baby grow. Constantly tracking and thinking and forcing things into one direction can cause even more stress. 

Right now I’m sitting on a very slow train traveling from Germany to the Netherlands to visit my oldest friend for a few days before heading home.  I’m looking forward to exploring and writing and embracing being 6 months pregnant in a new city with this baby in my belly.