Well, I’m pretty sure anything could make me burst into tears these days. 

And so, I’ve resolved that instead of listening to songs that amplify sadness, I am choosing something different. At any given point throughout the day, sitting with my headphones on, you can find me listening to Coolio, Bone Thugs N’ Harmony, Juvenile or Big L (seriously). It could be an oldie, it could be country, it could be some new indie tech pop song. If it’s got a good beat, I’m in. 

Growing up my dad would blast music to get us up and out the door to soccer practice on the weekends. Jimmi Hendrix, Etta James, James Brown, Led Zeppelin…100 decibels right underneath our rooms. We knew these songs better than whatever it was we were supposed to listen to at our age. By the time we were in high school my older brother was seriously into rap. He had just got his drivers license, and would pick me up at whatever friend’s house I was at blasting music with the windows down. Fast forward, and that was me with our little sister. Today, you can find her doing the exact same thing. So it’s not surprising to me that now, in a moment of total despair, I crank up music that makes absolutely no sense. Music that has a beat that helps me to get lost and smile and remember that this too shall pass. 

I know it may seem crazy, but it’s easy to forget that you’re growing another human sometimes. I mean, you know it’s happening, but somehow those kicks become so familiar and some days you just forget. So when I take a minute and I look down at this wonder that’s happening within me, I also take the time to recognize all that comes with that. The highs and the lows. Because I would be lying if I said this was easy. It’s one of the most wildly complicated, emotionally draining, absolutely exciting things I’ve ever done up to this day.

Just because something looks easy and simple and happy and uncomplicated from afar, doesn’t mean there isn’t a lot going on underneath it all. It doesn’t mean that some of the happiest moments are filled with fear and confusion and frustration. I am finding though, that in those moments, somehow, the people that know you or love you the most, reach out. It’s like they just know. They know that something might be rocky, something might be off balance, that maybe you just need to hear or read something good and positive.

As much as I can, I try to slow down and take one day at a time. I try to remember that millions and millions of women have done this before me. That I am most definitely not the only one feeling like this. And then I put on a song and I smile and I let it take me away.