My mum said something interesting to me the other day that stuck with me. She told me that when you become a mum you are allowed to start making whatever decisions necessary to benefit and protect you, the human growing inside you and your family. It’s like this hall pass that swiftly moves you to becoming a grown up. [I would like to extend that to anyone and everyone who is experiencing and actively participating in the world of fertility and pregnancy]. 

There is something to say for that, the idea of growing up. I don’t know exactly when there was a shift for other people, but for me ( and I could be the only one ) I think it just happened. Maybe it was when I started to think about this whole journey. I realized that doing things for other people just to make them feel better wasn’t the way to get where I needed / wanted to go. That bending over backwards to make sure everyone else was okay and comfortable and not feeling weird, wasn’t actually my responsibility, even though I would make it feel like that. I made so many decisions based on this one thought, “I feel bad so…”. Decisions I shouldn’t have made, some very small and some life changing. 

The other day I was reminiscing over things that happened when I was living alone in France – a time when I really felt like I was on my own and in love with life. That is one time and place where I distinctly remember that I started to think about the importance of listening to my heart. I was so concerned for so long about making the right decision that I ended up potentially making the wrong one. I wanted to please people and not hurt others so I made decisions that would ultimately benefit them the most, and not really my own body and mind. 

I think a part of growing up is realizing that what you want changes. As you learn a bit more about yourself, as you slow down, things become a lot more clear. The things you were once afraid of doing or saying could now be an easy open conversation. The things you once thought impossible may now have become a possibility in your head. Instead of feeling like growing up means being bogged down, allow growing up to mean opening up. Some people don’t find their own happiness until much later in their life, so if there is a way to start walking down that path, I hope we can all find the courage and strength to make those decisions. 

I’m not saying it’s time to be the most selfish person in the world but I am saying I think it’s time to listen. To understand the reality that you can change things, that it’s not too late and that if you really want it, you can get it. It’s easy to feel too settled, too stuck in a routine, too complacent with certain things, but who’s to say that you can’t just take that quiet minute and say to the universe “this is what I want”. 

“When the root is deep, there is no reason to fear the wind.”