I wanted to share a few things that have been helpful to me this past month, and even a few things that I found to be helpful that I did before Aggie was born. Some are more general knowledge than others but regardless, some of these things saved me, mentally and emotionally. 

1. Cooling Pads  – these were like heaven on earth post baby. Cool and comforting. Make them when you’re just hanging out waiting for baby to come! Buy a pack of unnecessarily ( but actually so necessary) large maxi pads. Create a mixture of aloe vera gel, witch hazel and a few drops of lavender in a bowl, mix and add to a clean small size spray bottle. Spray each pad with mixture (it should feel quite heavy). Wrap the pad flat with plastic wrap and then aluminum foil. Stick in the freezer and enjoy post birth!

2. Placenta Encapsulation – to me, there is no away of actually knowing if this works, but, like most other things I’ve tried, I like to think it is doing something! I chose to get my placenta encapsulated first and foremost because of it’s nutritional value ( it is essentially the most nutrient dense organ that you created specifically designed to feed and nurture your baby – why not use the goodness it has to replenish yourself postpartum). It also has the added bonus of potentially helping with postpartum depression as well as increasing milk production. The encapsulator I chose picked up my placenta at the hospital and delivered it in pill form 2 days later! I chose to get a mix of both pills and a tincture (which I can use later this year or for years to come if my milk production slows down). 

3. Water – I have never drank as much water as I have since breastfeeding. Whether you are breastfeeding or pumping ( or formula feeding! ), staying hydrated is so important. I keep mason jars filled with water all over the house so wherever I happen to be nursing Aggie I can always grab one and have it with me! 

4. Books – I didn’t really read any postpartum books. I don’t know whether or not I did it on purpose but I think I had just read so much about fertility and pregnancy that when the time came to think about actually having a physical baby I was a bit exhausted. One book I purchased on the recommendation of a friend was La Leche League’s book The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding. I didn’t touch it until two weeks after Aggie was born when we were mid struggle and I didn’t know where to turn to. With Aggie not latching, with advice coming from every known source, with me just not having the confidence I needed, I opened the book. It was so helpful. I felt like it was the first thing I had read on breastfeeding that wasn’t super preachy and that didn’t making me feel guilty about any of my decisions up to that point. It was also the most hopeful literature I had read on breastfeeding – it allowed me to see past where I was, and to see where I could potentially get. 

5. Food you can eat with one hand – my yoga teacher mentioned this in class but I didn’t believe her. You would be amazed at how many times in the past month I’ve been starving but have only had one hand, or one minute to eat. An amazing girlfriend of mine dropped off the dreamiest package for us a week after Aggie was born. In it was a tupperware filled with these breakfast cups. I loved them so freaking much that when Aggie was sleeping a few days ago, I made them for myself ( huge mom win there! ). If you can, make them ahead of time – they have nothing in them that can really go bad so they will last a while!

APPLE BANANA QUINOA BREAKFAST CUPS

INGREDIENTS:

½ cup applesauce
1 cup mashed banana (about 3 bananas)
1 banana for slicing and putting on top
1 cup cooked quinoa (about ½ cup dry)
2 ½ cups old-fashioned oats
½ cup almond milk ( or whatever milk you want )
¼ cup maple syrup
2 tsp vanilla extract
2 tsp cinnamon
1 apple, peeled and chopped very small

*you could add nuts/seeds etc if you want!* (original recipe found here)

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Lightly grease a muffin tin with oil of your choosing.
Cook the quinoa. (Bring 1 cup of water to a boil, pour in ½ cup dry quinoa, reduce to a simmer until fluffy—about 12 minutes).
Mix applesauce, mashed banana, milk, maple syrup and vanilla in a bowl.
Mix dry ingredients (quinoa, oats, cinnamon) in a separate bowl. Slowly stir the wet into the dry until fully combined.
Peel core and chop up an apple. Mix the apple chunks into the bowl.
Fill each of the muffin cups to the top with the quinoa mixture. Add a banana slice or two to the top of each.
Bake for 20-25 minutes and then let cool for 5 minutes. Try it smeared with almond or peanut butter!!

6. Family/Tribe Support – In one of my favourite books Reflections of the Moon on Water, Xiaolan talks about how in Chinese culture women embrace a ‘Golden Month’ after having their baby. “Golden month is the special month following childbirth when a mother rests, restores and recovers her energy…And Golden Month brings another connection: it is a tradition that is handed down from one generation to the next, linking my mother to me, and me to my grandmother, one mother to the next, through the shared experience of birthing a baby.”

To me, having my mum and my sister in my house cooking for me the day after Aggie was born was pure heaven. In fact, they didn’t need to be cooking, just having them physically in my space made me feel safe and grounded. I recognize that not all of us have this luxury though – our people may be far away, or maybe we just don’t have that kind of support from our family. It’s okay. Family doesn’t necessarily mean ‘blood family’. Generations ago women would gather together during birth and the postpartum period to take care of one another. We would learn everything we needed to know by watching the elder women (aunts, sisters, mothers, cousins, friends) and by them passing on their shared wisdom. For the most part, this is missing from our culture today. 

Think about how dreamy it would be to have people you love and trust helping to take care of your baby for one night – just to let you catch up on some sleep. They would come in wake you up to feed the baby, and then you could crawl back into your bed and actually fall asleep. Once you have a baby ( at least in my experience so far ) you don’t really ever sleep that solidly. You’re always listening for their sounds, their cues to feed next, or to be held. And I love that. But when you’re exhausted and healing yourself, sometimes having someone to watch over your baby is exactly what you need so that you can get better and be a better mum.

If you don’t have ( or want ) this to be a family member there are tons of amazing people out there that you can hire to help! Postpartum doulas, trusted night nurses, and sometimes even midwives. If you’re interested, do some research – there is nothing wrong with taking care of you while you are taking care of baby. It will all come back full circle and make both of you better for it if it’s what you want. 

7. Time– give yourself time. Allow yourself to take time. I am still giving myself time and will continue to do so for a while. My doula said to me before giving birth – when you think you’re ready, give yourself another week. I am aching to get back to yoga, both for myself and with Aggie but I don’t feel 100% ready for a class yet. I am going to pull out my mat this week and do some gentle stretching and moving this week because I need to, for me.  But as much as I am craving that group connection, there is something to say for waiting, for being extra kind to me and my family. To really allow myself the time I need to heal my body physically as well as mentally. 

To cap this off I wanted to share Stone Fox Brides Molly Guy’s latest Instagram post. In it she shares her thoughts on the first 100 days of having a new baby. I think it’s totally brilliant and honest and real. It’s her experience and that’s what counts. The biggest thing I’ve learned in the past 30 days is that whatever the experience is, it’s yours. No one can take that away from you. So whether or not you’re having a day where you can’t smooch your tiny person enough, or you are so exhausted that you could cry at the drop of a hat – remember that it’s only that moment, it’s only that day, and that like all the rest, it too shall pass. 

Now that my baby is over a hundred days old, and i’m starting to feel a tiny bit normal, i can honestly say that the first three months of momhood — or the fourth trimester, whatever you want to call — fucking sucks. sure it’s elating to have a baby and exciting to bring new life into the world, but it’s also painful and scary and really difficult. after i brought little coco home i cried for three days. i was a depressed, hormonal train wreck. my nipples literally felt like they had been through a carrot scraper.my c-section made walking to the bathroom feel like a hike up the himalayan trail. my toddler would try to hug me and i would scream out in pain. there was an amoeba attached to my boob, sucking away all my energy, and all i wanted was for someone to whisk me away into a calm sanctuary and rub my back and feet and feed me broth and tea. instead the baby was inconsolable, the toddler was a wreck, the husband was back at work and my mind felt like a jungle of despair. thank GOD for lots of help — babysitters, nannies, nurses, etc — i’m so grateful and fortunate to have the resources to surround myself with a team of people who could support my healing, but MAN its been a wild spring. just want to say it, to the new moms out there, or the ladies on their way to becoming moms, or if you know a mom — don’t let the Instagram ambassador culture of filters get you feeling like you’re doing something wrong. It’s not all acai bowls and moomoos and hippie slings and pots of flowers. it’s a struggle, bloody and brutal and beautiful, but a struggle nonetheless. so grateful to be crawling out of the cave.