Things have changed a lot in the past 6 months. 

I knew they would change but I never knew just how much. 

There is literally so much time with no plans and yet at the same time there is no time to do anything but walk and breastfeed and eat and sleep. [And of course attempt small adventures together].

I don’t mind change. You know that. In fact, I like change. I think I just underestimated what that change would feel like initially. I assumed where I did not know. I had mentally planned for what things would be like, what things would feel like, without actually knowing what it would all mean to me. 

It has meant: 

Gaining a new stroke of fear. Learning about an entirely new human being. Slowly losing a very special person. Creating a whole new awareness of myself and my body. Planning for days we haven’t yet had. Thinking about someone else, all the time. Finding a whole new love for my relationship with my husband and my family. Sleeping less than I ever have before in my life. Eating less consciously than I did through pregnancy. Focusing more on the bigger picture. Letting go of the things that do not serve me or my family in less time than I know how to. Becoming more and more open to c h a n g e.  

And so I am: 

Becoming more gentle with myself. Giving myself more space.  Recognizing that things do change and that it’s okay. Allowing myself to become aware of what it means to take care of someone else all the time. Relishing in small moments alone. Feeling infinitely proud of myself for breastfeeding someone every single day. Holding my head high, even on days when it wants to look only to the ground. Reminding myself that other peoples anger and frustration are not mine to carry. Looking to the sky. Looking at the people that love me and that I love for support. Genuinely full of love in an entirely new and awesome way. 

eating / freshly picked cherries and local asparagus

drinking / coconut water and chai tea lattes

practicing / patience 

mastering / calming down and letting go

learning / that Aggie is a mover and a shaker, so curious and itching for adventure, I can’t wait to get her up north in a few weeks

playing / John Lee Hooker blues albums gifted to me from my Dad  

finishing / not a lot – feels like laundry and clothes and dishes and blog posts are in limbo for daaaayyyss over here

reading / simple recipes, baby blogs and old emails

walking / everywhere with Aggie

wearing / bare feet, jean shorts, top knots, and nursing bras every single day

cooking / steel cut oats in the morning

working /  on napping when Aggie naps so I don’t feel so spaced out 

traveling / to farmers markets outside of the city

wanting / to be in the mountains with delicious food and lots of family and friends

feeling /  so proud today, on my birthday, of everything that I’ve accomplished this past year