Breaking away from the bullshit. Letting the fog lift. Whatever you want to call it. I feel like sometimes conversations I’m having are on repeat. Like we’ve had them a thousand times and yet nothing has changed. It’s exhausting. But I’m a part of it. I’m just as much a part of the indecisiveness as you are.

Today I woke up in a haze. A headache, grey clouds and this song on repeat in my head. It’s so clear.

“Seen it all, but I’ve seen nothing yet,
Cause I forget
Do I know or do I think I know?”

I’m tried of you not knowing, or not believing you know. I’m tired of thinking I don’t know. I write about it all the time, our innate ability to just know, it’s there inside of us, but sometimes it’s a little harder to hear. Or maybe we can all see it in one another but just not ourselves.

I’m tired of the drama, of the indirectness, of the never ending cycle of what days should look like, of what we should say, of who we should be helping and what we should be achieving. It’s different for all of us. It looks and it feels distinctly different depending on who we are, where we’ve been and what we’ve done. I don’t want to live in the past and I don’t want to be fearful of the future. I just want to be exactly where I am. Right now.

Last night at dinner one of my aunts was admiring the ring on her sister’s finger. It was this beautiful big stone that overtakes her hand. She asked where she got it and what it was. Her reply? It’s my physical reminder to be “in the now”. It sounds cliche but it just made so much sense to me.

There is fear, there is confusion, there is indecisiveness, and then there is just growing a pair. To me, part of growing up means stepping away from the bullshit. It means not being so focused on making everyone else feel good – on making everyone else happy and turning that focus towards yourself and your family.

What would make you the happiest? What would make the most sense? What is the right thing to do right now? Because sometimes it isn’t always about what would make you the happiest in the long run, it’s what will put a smile on your face right now. If we constantly try to achieve this sense of perfectness in all that we do, we’re going to lose our minds. It isn’t worth it in my opinion.

When I moved to Berlin in 2008 to do an artist residency, I arrived and immediately thought I had made a terrible decision. I didn’t really speak German and I didn’t really know what I was going to do for this art show at the end of my residency. I would call my mum in tears trying to explain how I was feeling – so proud and happy to be there, but so confused at what I was actually going to do. I was paralyzing myself with the stress of what was coming, instead of relishing in the fact that I had finally gotten there. I met friends, I made art, I walked, I took photographs and I adventured. Every day that I woke up I made a plan, I looked at the map and picked an area to explore, or a museum to see.

Tackle one thing at a time, one day at a time. Be okay with where you are at. Work on the indecisiveness, cut the b u l l and find adventure in your everyday life again. Even if it means a walk around the block – there’s always something to see, sometimes we’re just too focused on what’s coming towards us that we don’t take the time to look around us.

To finish off, I wanted to share one of my favourite quotes that I turn to from time to time. In fact, I like it so much that it’s written in chalk on my kitchen wall so I can look at it every day.

IN AN INDECISIVE MOMENT, ASK YOURSELF WHAT A 90 YEAR OLD YOU WOULD SAY. SHE WOULD PROBABLY SAY “GO FOR IT”.