It’s been a lot. It’s been a long year of really not liking where I’m living. A long year of trying to be positive, of feeling frustrated, of alone time, of togetherness but mostly of survival. Fertility brought it’s challenges, it’s own mountains to climb, it’s hurdles to jump over and finally the insurmountable joy of seeing two pink lines. Being pregnant was one of the most incredible experiences for me. I genuinely loved growing a baby- the magic and the struggle of it. Having a baby? That knocked my socks off. I was absolutely not prepared for any ounce of what it has felt like.

I’m finally okay with that.

It’s taken me a while to realize that the intuition and knowledge I thought was there, was sometimes just actually not. And that was hard. I am such an intuitive and emotional person that I often make decisions based on how I’m feeling versus what I’ve read in a book.

From day one though, because I knew getting pregnant wasn’t going to be easy – I turned to knowledge, to fact and to education to learn as much as I possibly could so that I could help myself. That coupled with my heart and my mind I began to tune into my body – and that is what I ultimately think made it possible.

Through pregnancy I wanted to know what was going on, I wanted to make sure I was giving my body and my growing baby the best possible chance at being the strongest tiny person I could create.

And then two turned into three. We became a family and all of a sudden picking up books, going to classes, seeing practitioners just wasn’t possible. There just wasn’t enough time or emotional energy to do it. Gradually things became easier and we were able to call on help when we needed it. We were able to see a bit further past where we currently were to where we could be. We finally knew that if we put in the time and effort we could all sleep a little better and do a little more.

I know not everyone is like me. Not everyone has the thirst for knowledge surrounding ovulation, or eating for fertility. For stretching and breathing through pregnancy, for figuring out who you want around you when it finally comes time to birth that tiny person. So I’m offering to help. I’m offer to guide and to support and help you figure out whatever part of the journey you’re on. Because navigating it all isn’t easy and it’s overwhelming and it’s hard to dig through the mountains of information to ultimately figure out what’s right for you, your body, your partner and your life.

I started Lovefestjourney as a tiny space on the internet to write about my own experiences and yes I’m still doing that – but my hope for it has become so much more. A place to connect, to share information, to build relationships and bonds and above all to learn to love your whole self. Because through fertility, through pregnancy, through motherhood it all gets a little jumbled. There is another being that we’re thinking about, dreaming about, creating, growing then finally birthing. It’s impossible to not lose sight of yourself and of what you want and what you need.

I’m finally on the tail end of one of the most life altering years I’ve ever had. A year where I’ve pushed a lot to the side to make room for this new life. I’ve lost my lady balls more times than I can count and that’s been really hard for me. The other morning I realized that I haven’t had that feeling of being scared, of pushing myself out of my comfort zone in doing something for myself in a very long time. For Agatha? Absolutely. But not for me. So, in re-launching the site I am saying yes to a whack of new and exciting things. I’m physically moving spaces. I’m embracing my inner desire to help and assist and set goals with other women.

I’m walking on totally rocky shores but I’ve got a new sidekick. One that will eventually start calling me mum and one that I can’t wait to teach all about this world.