Loneliness is a funny thing. When I was talking to my sister about it a few weeks ago she made the incredible point of saying she never feels lonely. She might have genuinely meant that (she did spend 3 months in the Northwest Territories during the darkest time of the year) but what I think what she meant is that she really enjoys solitude. She loves herself, is comfortable with herself and has a lot of things she likes to do alone. After talking, she revised her statement, saying that the only time she feels lonely is when she misses someone.

I agreed. I could easily spend a lot of time alone. I really like and feel comfortable going out to dinner alone, watching movies alone, traveling alone and exploring alone. But the thing is, ultimately I really miss my people. I miss my friends, my family, my husband, my baby and my community. I feel as though I have had this everlasting search of my dream community. A place where I can walk down the street and see people I know getting a coffee, going to work, just living their life. Where we can stop and say hi and chat. Where we can gather on the weekends and eat delicious things together. But where I can ultimately have my own retreat. A long walk in nature, a cozy movie night on my couch, an early morning breakfast with just my t r i b e.

Through Lovefestjourney I feel like I’ve been able to connect with some pretty wonderful souls. Some started out with a simple comment on Instagram, or a lovely email and has since become a special friendship. I love connection and I love love. I love support and encouragement, I love hand written cards and simple gestures – a home cooked meal, a bouquet of flowers or an unexpected phone call. To me, sharing things with people fills me with a lot of happiness. It’s also cathartic. Writing it, expressing it, the honesty, the hardships, the highs and lows – these are things that fill me up.

Taking time away (albeit only 1 week) was a simple gesture to myself that I can have both. I can have those moments of  solitude, of calmness, of disconnect but at the same time, have the confidence to know that the community and love I crave still exists. I don’t need it to survive, but I love it. It’s a balance like most other things – one that takes some time to master. I think if there is one thing I took away from my little breather it’s this:

You are enough. Where you are is enough. Right here. Right N O W.

It isn’t always easy to find motivation if it isn’t there. No matter how many delightful quotes we all read, sometimes we need to take the path less traveled, or the path with the most cracks, bumps and pot holes in it to get to where we need to go. Sometimes we need to go through the bullshit and the pain and the agony. We need to literally never get ‘a win’, just a bucket full of huge losses. Because one day it’s bound to change if you’re putting one foot in front of the other.

“We are the same until we are changed. We can move that a bit further by putting into place healthy habits and to show up to our lives in a way that fosters growth, but we can’t game timing. Timing is the one thing that we often forget to surrender to.”