I don’t know when it happened but at some point I feel like I woke up really feeling like a grown up. I know that might sound silly but it’s like she started standing, and trying to walk and wearing solid, hard sole, real grown up people shoes and then I just put on a pair of jeans one day and realized I’m an adult. Making adult decisions. I don’t equate being an adult with losing my sense of wild, I connect it to making decisions in a well rounded, whole body, whole mind kind of way. Of recognizing the weight of the things I do and say. Of following through, of taking leaps of faith while knowing that there is going to be comfort at the end of the day. Every room in our house right now is a complete and utter disaster – but Aggie’s room? Totally calm and serene. Every time I go in there to breastfeed, or play, or get ready for bath time I just breathe a little easier. It was a conscious choice to make sure she has a calm space to be in. I can handle a little blip in the road these days. Mostly because over the past few years I have created an imaginary toolbox that holds all my goodness. It’s a place I can go whenever I need to ground myself. A spot to breathe, a candle to light, a bath to slip into, a place to get acupuncture, a phone to call home, a fridge full of good food…..those are the the things that I know if I have, I’ll be just fine, where ever I end up.

eating / sheeps milk yogurt with overnight soaked almonds, fresh granola, apricots and sliced pears

drinking / water + black loose leaf tea sent to me in a care package from Scotland from a pretty dreamy new friend

practicing /  thinking before I speak

mastering / going one day at a time

learning / that I really don’t need all that much ( living out of boxes will do that to you )

listening to / the song above on repeat

watching / Man Up with Simon Pegg + Lake Bell (We watched this in a teeny tiny bathroom in the hotel room we stayed in while visiting Minneapolis – Aggie was asleep in the room so Jeff and I cozied up in the bathroom with dinner and some beers and were smiling all the way through it)

reading / Simple Matters by Erin Boyle

walking / around my new neighborhood – not being in a car everyday makes a world of difference

wearing / the same jeans and a few cashmere sweaters my mum passed down to me

cooking / Eggs in Hell (aka Shakshuka / Baked Eggs)

working / on finishing the menu for the 3rd Seasonal Mama Dinner coming up at the end of this month!

laughing / at how short lived my bang stint was, starting to grow them out as of this week, bring on the hairbands!

wanting / to purge belongings, cook a super slow dinner and sit outside at dusk drinking a glass of wine

feeling / a little lighter after an amazing acupuncture treatment on Wednesday night

And finally, smiling, because I’ve realized regardless of what you decide, you can be proud of yourself for making a decision. When it comes to our bodies, our hormones, our babies and our families, there isn’t really ever ( in my life at least!) one 100% incredibly perfect right decision. Nothing feels like it’s all in one place. There are always those pros, cons and obstacles. I am recognizing that going out of our comfort zone when we have babies is just that much harder. I feel proud that we are walking towards things that will hopefully make life a little more wild. I am looking forward to breathing a little lighter, clearing out some extra possessions and working on getting my body back to balance this next month.