I asked Allie to share and connect with all of you because I love what she does, what she has to say and how honestly she says it.

Allie started out as a holistic nutrition student interested in the wide scope of potential avenues to heal our wild and amazing bodies, but she ended up focusing and getting most excited about fertility, pregnancy and motherhood. I immediately bonded with her. It wasn’t long after I announced my pregnancy that Allie shared news that she and her husband were expecting. It is always amazing for me to watch other women go through their pregnancy journey – to see what’s different and what is similar always blow me away. We are all such different human beings.

The love that Allie had for her unborn son wasn’t unlike the love I had for the tiny person growing my belly. I vividly remember seeing photographs of Allie pregnant and glowing, writing about how she couldn’t wait for her son to arrive.

I knew exactly how she felt.

But I also knew how I felt 24 hours after I gave birth. And two weeks after that. And two months after that.

It is so impossibly hard. It’s something that no one can honestly prepare you for because each of our experiences are so wildly different.

When Allie reached out maybe a week after baby M was born through an old IG post, I knew that she was probably going through the roller coaster of emotions that I had also felt. I felt the biggest sense of relief and love for that fact that I had written it as honestly as I had. I wanted her to know she had unwavering support from me ( and fellow mamas ) through those wild first few weeks.

I asked Allie to share her story here because it sheds light on how honestly hard it is to be a mama for some of us as well as sharing some amazing tips on how to help nourish our bodies and minds through that experience.

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Becoming a mom rocks your world. There is no other way to really describe it then that. It’s magical, incredible, difficult, crazy, and probably about 20 other descriptive words – but really, it rocks your world. Labour itself can be traumatic, let alone bringing home a little human who comes with no instructions. Many women (more than you might think) deal with postpartum depression and anxiety after giving birth. It’s something no one really talks about – probably because it isn’t popular to post about on social media or to share with friends – but it happens all the time.
Depression during pregnancy and following the birth of the baby affects a woman’s mood, behaviour, thoughts and physical well-being. A woman who is experiencing postpartum depression will often feel down, sad or empty and may lose interest in activities that she usually enjoys. Other common symptoms can be:

Feeling fearful, scared or “on guard” – you may feel like you can’t handle being a mom or you don’t want to be a mom (this often leads to guilty feelings because you believe you should be handling new motherhood better)

Crying, weepiness, feelings of sadness to the depths of your soul

Excessive checking or reassurance seeking or online “research”

Avoiding people, places or activities

Trembling, feeling shaking

Can’t sleep when the baby sleeps, nor can you sleep at any other time (or maybe you can’t seem to stay awake)

Shortness of breath, racing/pounding heart

Problems bonding with the baby, afraid to be alone with the baby

Re-occurring thoughts or images of wanting to hurt yourself or the baby

Night terrors or violent dreams

Loss of appetite, or excessive eating

My experience dealing with postpartum depression and anxiety lasted 10 days. That’s how long it took me to accept my new role as mom. That’s how long it took me to completely fall in love with every part of my son. That’s how long I was dealing with serious baby blues. I wasn’t myself – at all. This is my not-so-glamorous real postpartum story.

I dealt with many of the symptoms listed above – I could barely eat (something I’ve experienced maybe three times in my life), couldn’t sleep when people would tell me to go nap, would get anxious if my husband left the room, and didn’t want to be alone with my son. It was a mix of a million emotions I had never felt in my life and I was completely overwhelmed by all them. Most terrifying was the intrusive thoughts of secretly hoping something bad would happen to me so I could “sleep, and just get a break from all this.” It was overwhelming feeling these things.

As I mentioned before, no one really talks about this part of motherhood. I suspect it’s because feeling disconnected to your baby and not instantly falling in love with them is “wrong”. It makes you feel alone. It wasn’t until I started opening up to close friends and family that I began to realise I wasn’t alone. Other moms have felt these feelings. Other moms have felt a loss of identity and disconnection after their baby was born. But more importantly, other moms advised me that these feelings would pass.

My husband was incredible during this phase. He let me weep (and weep is the perfect word to describe it) in his arms and comforted me. He took time off work to be with baby and me as we began to get into the groove of being a family. He changed countless diapers, did loads of laundry, and learned to swaddle like a champ.

It wasn’t until day ten when (under my husband’s advice) baby M and I took our first bath together, that the fog started to lift. All of a sudden I had made it through a day without weeping. I had made it through a day without feeling anxious. I was becoming more connected and comfortable with my son. Everything I had been told was coming true: “you’ll start to learn what he likes and doesn’t like, and become more comfortable as a mom.” But the most crucial thing I finally started realizing and feeling, was that my baby needs me just as much as I need him.

 

After this I started focusing on what I could do for myself to continue to feel better:

Diet: Eat. Not only is this crucial for you, but your baby needs healthy fats to gain weight and thrive. Healthy fats support the nervous system and can help with feelings of depression and anxiety. Some of my favourites are avocados (great in smoothies instead of banana), nuts and seeds, nut butters, coconut oil (in smoothies, on toast, in coffee, as a cooking oil) and a good-quality omega-3 supplement. Hormones are made up of fat as well. As we know, after giving birth your hormones go through significant changes. Healthy fats can help stabilize these ups and downs.

Support: It really does take a village when it comes to having your first child. Something I learned is that support comes in all shapes and sizes. Encourage people to bring food when they want to come see the baby. Ask for help. Laundry, cleaning, etc. can be done by visitors in between baby snuggles. Meal prepping before baby is born can be helpful too (freezer meals, casseroles, etc.). Don’t be afraid to say no. It’s easy in the first couple of weeks to get overwhelmed by visitors. Remember this is your baby, your life. If it’s too much, say no. Let people know they can only stay for a certain amount of time then boot them out. You need your rest!

Rest: This can be difficult if you’re having trouble sleeping. But it’s a big one. Sleep deprivation plays into PPD and affects your mental state. The more sleep you can get in those first few months, the better. Use lavender essential oil to create a relaxing environment and limit your screen time – these tips can help induce better, more restful sleep.

Exercise + Find Time for Yourself: Now I’m not talking about running a marathon or spending time at the gym. But going for daily walks (even in the winter if it’s a quick jaunt around the block) and getting fresh air can boost your mood, promote good sleep, and create feelings of relaxation. Also find time for you. Doing something for yourself that makes you feel good is so important. Whether it’s having a bath, enjoying a piece of cake, writing in a journal, etc. Find what makes you happy and do it. Daily.

Get Help: Never be afraid to ask for help. There is no shame in this. Talk to your doctor or midwife and get the help you need to ensure you’re the best mom you can be for your little one.

 

Ten days. That was my experience. Some women suffer from postpartum depression and anxiety for weeks. Some suffer for months. I never thought it would happen to me. I never thought I wouldn’t instantly be in love with motherhood and my son. But the fact of the matter is, it does happen. And it is okay. It doesn’t make me any less of mom. It doesn’t make me a bad person.

Today my son is four months old. Today I can’t get enough of him. I can stare at him for hours and gawk at every facial expression he makes when he’s sleeping. I talk to him, sing to him and read to him. Today I find myself scrolling through photos of Miles while he sleeps because I miss him. Today I love being his mom. Today I can’t imagine my life without him.

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Allie is a registered Holistic Nutritionist practicing in Waterloo, Ontario and is always looking to help share knowledge and love for how we can better nourish ourselves inside and out! I am so excited to welcome Allie to our LFJ community page!

www.vibrantstartnutrition.com

[ If you are interested in becoming a part of our LFJ community page please don’t hesitate to send me an email to see if we are the right fit! ]