Tonight I realized that it’s been two months of putting Agatha to bed, of cleaning the kitchen and making sure my tea is all ready for the morning. Things that I took for granted because Jeff would normally do them (is it terrible to say I’m hopeful he will do them again once we are back together? I have a feeling he will…) I’ve been blessed with a dishwasher in this most recent home but after filling it to the brim with dirty dishes, I realized we had no dish soap – nothing to wash the mess off of, nothing to cleanse and start fresh. So I made my own. Baking soda, salt and a little bit of dish soap.

Done.

Something from nothing.

And for some reason I started to think of this long list of things I’ve learned these past few years.

Patience and determination through fertility.

Love and positivity through pregnancy.

Mindfulness and self care through mamahood.

Birthdays have never been a big thing for me – a milestone in a year but never anything that stood out. That is, until I started thinking about babies and managed to grow one in my own body. I think that was when I realized what makes birthdays so freaking special. The first one is kind of for the mama but after that, they’re about celebrating ( in your own way ) the goodness that you’ve created for your own life through that past year and what you’re craving to do this next one.

One of my favorite birthday rituals is to ask people what five things they’re craving to do in their next year – what few things they want to do just for them. Personal goals, new adventures, rituals and routines for our own selfish self to enjoy.

These past two months have hit hard on my self confidence, motivation but mostly my energy levels. I’ve been depleted in ways I never knew I could feel loss in. It’s been a lot. But I also know it’s a fraction of what other people are going through so please know that this isn’t a cry for attention. It’s more of a realization and empowerment of all that’s I’ve gained from it. And so I thought I’d share it here. In case anyone else needs a little pick me up or burst of energy.

Thirty things on the eve of my thirtieth birthday.

1. Slow down. Always. Even if you think you’re a slow person. Slow down some more. There is always room for less action and more stillness.
2. Date yourself. Make yourself feel sexy and hot and attractive. Find out something new about glorious YOU.
3. Get outside. A walk, a saunter, a hike, just look out a window – get your head outside of where ever you are.
4. Find out what peaks your interest and then dive in. Ask questions and get involved in it in some small way.
5. Adventure. You don’t need to be wealthy to make adventures happen, there is always something new to explore close by – even with a tiny baby.
6. Dance. Or sway, or just tap your foot. Music is good for the soul. Listen to it live whenever you can.
7. Lights off – allow yourself to enjoy darkness for what it is.
8. Embrace time alone with yourself away from other people and distractions.
9. Immerse yourself in water. A shower, a bath, a lake, an ocean. Water is a powerful cleansing tool.
10. Treat yourself.
11. Never let yourself feel ashamed if and when you need to ask for help.
12. Spend time with animals – they have so much insane magical energy and they’re all around us.
13. Remind yourself that you are enough.
14. Create a relationship with the universe. It’s out there to listen you just need to start talking. Let it know your fears or concerns and ask for help when you need it.
15. Know that it’s okay for your heart to have room to love more than one person.
16. Don’t let yourself feel guilty. Identify why you feel that way and then try to resolve it. Guilt sits and stirs, it rarely ever and moves positivity within us.
17. Get to know yourself so well that when you get that aching feeling inside you can start to identify what it really is.
18. LET LOOSE. Stretch your body. Move your body. We weren’t meant to be stagnant and still.
19. Repeating a mantra that’s important to us is good for our soul and really can make a difference.
20. Challenge your mind.
21. Don’t be afraid to reach out to someone you want to talk to, they just might respond.
22. Nourish your body with wholesome good foods. Eat local and seasonal where possible.
23. Drink lots and lots and lots of water.
24. Choose glass over plastic.
25. Allow yourself to have nights of self comfort over self care. Sometimes we need chips and chocolate and movies and wine.
26. Sleep when you’re tired.
27. B RE A T H E. Juicy big deep breaths. All the time. Especially when you feel like you just can’t.
28. Take breaks from technology and social media when you feel the need to. Everyone will be there when you get back.
29. Live simply. Try your best to get rid of anything you don’t love or need as a necessity.
30. Always tell people you love that you love them.