It was really really good pumpkin pie. Home made (not by me) with some kind of incredibly soft maple whip cream top. I said to Jeff as we were eating it that there is no way I could ever make a pie that good simply because I would stop when I read how much sugar it called for.

(I didn’t ask how much sugar was in that piece I was eating with him on the kitchen floor tonight).

It is Canadian Thanksgiving and my entire immediate family flew to Minnesota just to eat turkey and sleep over with us. Pretty much the best thing ever. I likened it to sleepover camp. So with that in mind, the goodbye this morning felt tragic. Like we had just at the most epic visitors day ever, where I had shown them all my favourite activities, introduced them to my favourite camp counsellor, told them all about my favourite lunch meal and showed them my bunk bed with all the pictures and letters they had written me taped up on the wall.

When they arrived we had a delicious home cooked brunch and then it was time for Aggie’s nap. We all took turns saying we’d stay back to watch her, but ultimately my mum took charge and said she wanted to hang out, read her book and be there when Aggie woke up. So my siblings, my husband and I took off on our own grown up kid adventure. A drive around town and a nature walk at Aggie and I’s favourite spot.

Day 14-15-16 called for time alone. Space away from the one I love with some other ones I love. It was heaven. It was needed.

A big kid nature walk. Antiquing with my mom. A beer date with my husband, a wild sports game with my family and a delicious glass of red wine with my big brother.

And Agatha was just fine.

Being able to let go just a little, being able to step away and release the mama mentality is so good for all of us. And even if you aren’t a mama yet, stepping away from the things you feel responsible for is so healthy. It allows us to take stock in a different way – to feel wild and free and inspired and refreshed. It allows us to zero in on other parts of us, on other relationships that are important to us, and to explore and experience places and spaces without feeling like you’re 100% responsible for someone the entire time. Unless we’re in a more free wide open space I always have the feeling like I’m minding the space I’m in – checking to see if there is anything Agatha can get into – a knife to close to the edge of a counter, a toilet seat left open (or a toothbrush left on the counter? that girl loves toothbrushes) – it can feel as if you’re always scouting.

Don’t stop dating  | Don’t stop flirting | Don’t stop making them a priority

It made me think about the importance of taking action to do something, apart from them (whoever them is for you) for you (whoever the inclusive ‘you’ is).  To book a babysitter on a whim for a date night or to embrace long carrier/stroller walks just so you can have that half hour to just breathe and walk while your tiny human is strapped in only able to watch the world go by.

Don’t stop trying. Don’t stop leaving love notes, or texting, or finding ways to bring the butterflies back.

When you’re trying for a baby, or thinking about trying for a baby all this other stuff can get in the way. The conversations, the what ifs, the medication, tracking ovulation, the baby crying, sleepless nights, so much anxiety. It’s all there. 99.9% of the time. But what about when you find a way to slow down. To light a fire, to say hi and really look at each other when you say it. Tonight we sat on the floor in our kitchen and talked and kissed and ate pumpkin pie. We talked about a few things we want to do this week – dates with Agatha and dates alone. It doesn’t mean we’ll get to them all but dreaming them up is always my favorite thing to do. And above and beyond any of the dates, I reminded myself tonight that I get to fall asleep and wake up next to this person every single day. How awesome is that?

When you start to let go of the weirdness you build up in your head and you take a deep breath, you can remind yourself of the ways you fell in love with this person and why you just plain and simple like them. It gives some of that other stuff the chance to fade a little bit when you change the weight and balance in your mind.

And when you allow yourself the space to be away from the things you need to tend to, you make r o o m for fun and wild and spontaneity – things we all need to fill us up.