To gather

April 11, 2018

To gather

What does it look like to gather? To nourish? To fill up in a way that leaves you feeling strong, and inspired and supported?

That’s kind of what I like to think my Seasonal Mama Dinners do – at least for me. I always have this wild internal debate as I’m dreaming them up. Is it worth it? Will people come? Do I have what it takes to guide and love on 11 other women?

The answer almost always is yes. Yes, yes, hell yes. This time was a little different in that I knew I would be pretty pregnant for it. It was something that Jeff and I talked a lot about, but ultimately, the topic of choice – worthiness – just felt like it needed to be shared.

At the dinner I asked each mama to share something, some place or some thing that made them feel worthy. I asked them – when do you feel most confident, in charge of, worthy of your own life?

To me, there is this balance of understanding our own IMPERFECTIONS and vulnerabilities while also being brave and worthy of love and belonging. Loving our WHOLE selves is not always easy.

It was amazing to hear the different thoughts – nature, kids, work, putting themselves 100% out there no matter what the reaction. At one point I realized there were a few ‘buts’ being thrown around – I feel worthy of this but I also feel guilty. I feel so good but I feel like I should be struggling more. I feel so inspired but I feel so bad that someone in my life isn’t right now. It’s so normal, and it happens to me all of the time.

Stop. Full stop.

I actually stopped and interrupted one mama to share this – not that it’s wrong, it can’t be wrong if so many of us feel this way, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t bring our attention to it. I wanted to just smoosh everyone together in that moment and just look at each and every one of them in the eye and say “you are worthy of ____ (whatever they said) and that’s it, end of story”. Let yourself be worthy of it.

Brene Brown’s definition of whole hearted is engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. She says that we can’t give (our kids) or really anyone what we don’t have inside ourselves.

So we have to start with belief. And trust. And understanding, and forgiveness and allowance, that it’s all good. That we’re allowed to love our life, or love being outside, or love being in our home that makes us feel so damn worthy. We have to realize that we’re the ones that got us here, that we’re the ones calling it in, asking the Universe for it, loving on our kids and our families in a way that makes it feel right to us. Whatever that looks like – because it is so different for each of us.

That’s one of the other magical things about these evenings – sure we are all vaguely similar in certain ways, or we might have shared interests, but in general, we are all very different individuals. We have different beliefs and we honour our days in a variety of ways. When I open up the space for women to get vulnerable, it’s like there is this golden light that just shines around us – we’re all safe to share what’s happening, how we feel and what we want to happen regardless of who else is around us. In any other situation we may let our vulnerability or shame creep in and as a result, not share. That is honestly the reason that I think keeps me coming back to do this time and time again. I love creating and holding that space.

This Spring Seasonal Mama dinner was incredibly special to me – it was my tenth dinner (I think?) and it was the first dinner where almost all of the physical nourishment was donated. Smoked fish, cheese, breads, cakes, desserts, flowers, candles, eggs, delicious smelling things, books to read, photography – it was all given with love to these 11 women. For that, I will be forever thankful. It was a literal dream come true. In January 2018 I asked the Universe to help me feel worthy of Lovefestjourney. To help myself to embrace the magic that it is and to allow myself to recognize that I created it. I often find myself in this pattern of thought that makes me feel like someone else did it. That someone else is doing the writing, the collaborating, the thinking, the guiding and the organizing. But it’s not. It’s actually me. And that blows my mind. So this dinner all about worthiness stemmed from that place – the place inside me that I’m still working so hard on to celebrate the fact that I followed my heart to a place of real life connection and inspiration – something I have always dreamed about doing.

On that evening we celebrated the second Full Moon in March and this is what I shared.