“I have been a seeker and I still am, but I stopped asking the books and the stars. I started listening to the teachings of my soul” – RUMI

There is this wild sensation that may overwhelm you. The sensation that people know what’s best for you. That everyone knows what you should have, or should be eating or taking. In reality, there are few that actually hold the answers and even fewer that should be giving them to you. 

Finding the space to heal myself – of PCOS, of amenorrhea, of a discouraged heart – took a lot of courage because there are so many people that will tell you it’s not possible. I’ve recently felt this overwhelming need to have it all figured out. To have a room filled to the brim with every single possible thing that this baby of ours could need. The funny thing is – I don’t want most of it. Of course I will need some of it, but not all of it. You find yourself on these websites, or writing these emails asking questions about this or that. And then half way through I stop myself and ask “do I actually want to know about this bouncy chair”? “Do I really want to think I need it”? 

The answer most of the time is No. 

I don’t want it. I don’t need it. And if I do need it, then we’ll get it. It’s not like there is some barrier between me and a store when I finally give birth. All of these things will be waiting, just as they are now, for us to get them. 

When I was just starting to figure out how to heal my own body – reading about what types of foods to eat, what supplements to take, I went really really slowly. I knew what I needed to eliminate, so I cut those out. I knew what I needed to be digesting, so I added those in. I read about three things online before deciding for myself that Vitex in tincture form was what I wanted to take to help get my cycle back, and then I went ahead and found a herbal apothecary to make it for me. 

Remembering the simplicity in my decision making. The confidence in my decision making. That is something I want to remember and tell myself right now. All that you need to know, you honestly do know. You have the ability to feel what is really going on inside – to just take the time to check in and say to yourself, what do I need to get through this? What do I need to make this a successful minute, hour, day, month or year. 

Remembering to not feel guilt or anger or shame when do you feel these things – when you feel this confusion. It happens to the best of us. We loose sight of what we really believe in and we make it more complicated than it needs to be. 

There is a wild full moon happening right now, which may or may not be the cause of this shift in myself ( or the reason I’m up at 6 am drinking a cup of tea writing to you all ) but it’s one to take note of. My mum and I always text each other when it’s a full moon because usually one of us isn’t sleeping or one of us is feeling it pretty intensely. February 2015 – Full Moon in LEO. I love this quote from Mystic Mamma’s page: 

“This Leo energy coming in is summoning us to step into our own fullness through sharing our hearts with courage while allowing our unique light to be seen. It’s a call to cast away the voices of judgement that limit and suppress, so we can allow the love and truth from our hearts to flow through.” 

Let’s let go of the judgement and of the stress that others know what’s best. Let’s remember that we know, better than anyone, what our hearts are really saying. Let’s find the strength and the confidence to look inward and follow that to whatever place it takes us.