December 30, 2017

Showing Up

In April 2017 I started seeing a therapist, an acupuncturist, a chiropractor and a Mayan abdominal fertility practitioner. That may seem like the most over done list that you’ve ever read but for me, it was exactly what I needed. I started to form relationships with these various practitioners and by doing so, I started showing up for myself in a huge way. By committing to seeing them on a regular basis, I was in my own way, committing to myself that I was ready to take care of my heart, my body and my mind for the first time. It doesn’t look like this for everyone, your version could be a daily walk, a morning meditation, a weekly swim class at your local YWCA, an early morning run or sitting down and reading a book. Whatever it is, I like to call it showing up for your heart work. For me, heartwork is easier at the start when I have someone to show up to in order for me to remind myself how to show up for me.

As I was working on a new clients lovefest package I started thinking about heart work. You might be thinking, what is heartwork? Well, it wasn’t a saying I had heard before but maybe more just something that came from within as I was writing. I found that as I was working through my thoughts there came this natural progression of things to do in order to help someone create space within their body and to learn to show up authentically for themselves as a part of the self love process.

To me, heart work is the first step.

And so I find myself sitting with two seats to myself on the airplane home writing my heart work out. I find myself pregnant with a baby girl arriving one year after I started showing up for myself. I find myself going easier on the things that I once took really seriously. Letting go slowly of the patterns that don’t serve me – independently, with friends and with family. I find myself lessening the guilt that normally shows up and replacing it with SO MUCH LOVE, truth and honesty. I am finally allowing myself to say what’s in my heart, my head and my body without feeling like it’s going to hurt or bother or annoy others. I have finally realized that when I show up for me, when I am truthful to me, that is the best I can possibly do. It isn’t always easy and it doesn’t always come naturally but as I slow down my breathing, as I listen more and open up my heart, I feel like I am allowing this space to just fill my body with fire and gentleness and the feeling of being grounded – things I’ve been craving for so long.

I just finished another book before I started writing today – these past 2 months have been brimming with reading, it’s like I can’t satisfy my desire to learn right now. About simplicity, about spirited kids, about breathing, about silence, about homesteaders in the Midwest (ha! Yes it’s the teen in me that loves Little House on the Prairie!). The last book I read was a gift from my Dad called Silence In The Age of Noise by Erling Kagge. In it he shares the words Sva Marga which means to follow ones own path, or as he describes it – finding your own South Pole (he’s done a lot of silent exploring there).

The other night I was sitting in bed debating actively promoting my upcoming breathing workshop – the attendance so far is much lower than my dinners normally are. For the past month this has felt okay in my heart because I have been feeling so nervous that the thought of less people attending made it feel like it could be a bit more of a learning experience for me. But that night, when I finally asked myself why I was feeling so scared to promote it, I wanted to know what was really going on. What came up was that I didn’t feel worthy of inviting more people to come (both literally and asking the Universe). I didn’t feel like more people would want to come. Of course I thought, I would want to attend this, but would other people? Is breathing too weird for people to want to try? Maybe. But maybe not.

I read this quote that night in Silence In The Age of Noise – “We exist, but few of us actually live…Life is very short and anxious for those who forget the past, neglect the present, and fear the future.”

And so I opened up, I allowed myself to actually listen to what my heart wanted.

A full workshop where I can try my best at teaching what I know about simple breath work techniques. Where I can guide women in a beautiful calm room through their fears and excitements and help to create space in their bodies so they can learn to manifest all they want. And ultimately, where I can help them to learn to fill their bodies up with that goodness. A place to learn to love their whole self. When I really thought about it – there was nothing standing in my way, but me. And I knew that if I let myself show up for me, that something might change – and it did. Yes more people bought tickets, but I gained this deep rooted sense of worthiness and understanding that most of the time I am my biggest obstacle.

So now I’m reminding myself daily to show up for me, and my heart and my body. And I’m going to let the fire burn inside me, I’m going to welcome gentleness and I’m going to allow myself to truly ground into our new home space as we start to welcome this new soul into our tiny family.

If you’re interested in working together or doing some heart work feel free to reach out, or if you’re in the Minneapolis area I’d love to see you at the workshop where we can meet in person, share a hot cup of tea, some dark chocolate and maybe even a juicy hug.

All the love as we enter a whole new season of life together mamas.

Photo by Laura Rowe

eating / Dark chocolate, salt and vinegar chips , and a lemon/ginger/orange/kale/banana smoothie in the morning

drinking / Nettle Tea + Red Raspberry Tea steeped overnight in a huge mason jar (inspired by my sister)

choosing / To honour what’s in my heart and tell the truth

learning / To listen more

reminding / Myself that Agatha is still a tiny human who needs a slow rhythm filled with lots of love

listening to / Keven Drew

finishing / Books!

reading / I just finished Raising Your Spirited Child and Silence In the Age of Noise

exploring / Staying close to my parents house and being okay with doing less while we were visiting

wearing / Canada Goose, Roots, my sisters Minnesotan Mukluks and my favourite pregnancy jeans

cooking / home made crepes from an old family recipe

working / on being okay with the gray space – things not being so high or so low but instead allowing the discomfort to be there, the goodness to be good and the tough moments pass as they need to

wishing / for a thriving business in this new coming year

craving / a cozy snow shoe adventure with Jeff and Aggie when we get back to Minnesota

feeling / so damn proud of myself for how hard I’ve been working on me these past 9 months, it’s felt like it’s own kind of rebirth

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